Zen and the Art of Darts
 
So this evening I joined some friends at Beefy’s Cabin in Sunnyvale for a friendly game of darts.  This is a scheduled bi-weekly event that I attend perhaps once every six months.  Between other family and business commitments I seem to make it semi-annually.  Of course, no one seems to mind the infrequence of my attendance, and we drink beer, chat and throw a few darts as though we’d met only last week.
 
Beefy’s is a rarity in Calfornia: it is a bar that allows smoking.  Beefy (the proprietor), a picture of him with Arnold Schwarzenneger proudly displayed behind the bar, has no employees and can therefore get around the non-smoking laws.  This is not the reason we come though, none of us smoke.  The reason we come is for the five bristle board dart boards arranged in a corral that occupies a little over a quarter of the floor space of that establishment, and for the Guinness.  Beefy serves a lot of Guinness so it always fresh.
 
Now this is the thing I have never been able to work out.  My first game, and we play a complicated variant of Cricket called Fuck All (I’ll explain later), is usually appalling, tonight was no exception.  Now I have no excuse, my garage is equipped with a beautiful dart board, but on my way out of the house this evening I brushed the inch or so of dust off my darts, having found were I put them the last time I walked in the door from Beefy’s.  
 
Anyway, a couple of pints of Guinness later and the second game begins.  Now I can do no wrong (well by our standards anyway) and easily win the game.  But why do two pints of Guinness improve my game?  Darts is a game of skill.  It requires hand-eye coordination.  This is something that alcohol inhibits.  Maybe it dissolved away my inhibitions, does this tell me that I am too tightly wound?  Probably.
 
Rules of “Fuck All”
“Fuck All” is an extension of Cricket.  In the darts game, “Cricket” you have the numbers 20 through 15 and the bulls-eye.  The idea is to put three darts into each number before your opponents.  A double counts for two of that number, and a triple counts for three of that number.  If you hit a number that you have already “closed” (put three darts into) then you give your opponents that many points.  The first person to “close” everything and have the lowest point total wins.  Simple.
 
So “Fuck All” adds the following: we use 20 through 12, and also have triples, doubles, three-in-a-bed and, of course, fuck all.  The numbers work as before.  Anytime you hit a triple of one of those numbers though you have the choice of taking 3 of that number or marking 1 triple.  Obviously, the triple region is pretty small so you take it more often than not.  Same applies for doubles - they and triples have to be on the numbers 20 through 12 though.  Three-in-a-bed means all three darts in the same visit to the board end up in the same number.  Now here’s the interesting part of the game: Fuck all.  If you can’t mark off any of your required items, or point on an opponent, you must mark off a Fuck all.  Just like all the others you get 3 of them.  Once they are “closed”, subsequent “Fuck all”s count against yourself, adding points to your total.  So every visit to the board means you mark off something on the scoreboard, either for you, against an opponent or against yourself.
 
This lengthens out the game considerably; “Cricket” is really fast if you are even half decent.  It also requires some strategy ... maybe a little skill (usually absent in our play) ... and some luck.  Mostly it is just some good mild mannered fun.
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Wednesday, October 4, 2006